The Ice Within My Heart
by Kandakicksass
Summary: Sequel to The Voice Inside My Head  sort of  the flip side; what would happen if it was Itachi abused and seeking perverse love instead of Sasuke? Dark, but with a happy ending. Again.


**So this is the sequel (sort of) to **_**The Voice Inside My Head**_**. **_**The Ice Within My Heart **_**is the flip side of The Voice, being what would have happened if it had been Itachi that was abused, instead of Sasuke. So yeah. Fuck, this is even more disturbing than the first one. **

"That's just right, Sasuke… _harder_. Don't you listen, Sasuke? I said _harder_."

Sasuke felt a cold hand on the back of his head, contributing to his messy hair. He wanted to say that he was choking on his tears, but he knew that it wasn't the salty liquid that rendered him literally speechless.

"Sasuke, don't forget your objective," he ordered. "Make me come."

A tear escaped Sasuke's tight hold and his finger wiped it away.

"Suck, Sasuke," he commanded, finally losing his temper. "If you do not…" Sasuke knew the threat that followed and didn't have to listen as he finished it. Sasuke, nearly gagging on the almost too large length in his mouth, closed his mouth around the pulsating flesh and did as he was told, sucking the leaking head nearly into his throat. "Very good," he praised. "Now, do what I told you to in the first place."

Sasuke whimpered but pulled back until only the head was in his mouth and dipped his tongue into the little valley, drawing a very pleased moan from the party in question.

"Very good," he repeated. "More." Sasuke flicked his tongue out, reaching the three minute mark, and finally, he came, filling Sasuke's pretty mouth with the tangy, salty liquid he'd sadly become accustomed to. The taste, though oddly pleasant, was rejected and Sasuke spat it out, resulting in a tsk as the other man who grabbed his chin. As he searched Sasuke's near-black eyes, he smirked in a cruel, sadistic way.

"That's a good look for you, Sasuke," he said, his voice both patronizing and sexy and he licked up a drop of cum dripping down his chin.

"Itachi, please—" Sasuke tried, but Itachi shoved their lips together in a rough almost-kiss. Sasuke tried to pull away, but the elder growled and he froze, submitting instantly in fear of a beating.

"Do not fight me, little brother," Itachi commanded forcefully and Sasuke fought back a whimper. "You will do as I say. Don't you love me? Are you like Father? Do you find this _repulsive_, otouto, so repulsive you want it?" Before his death, their father had not been open minded man. Their father had made the stereotypical angry Japanese man look like a fluffy kitten. He was a hypocrite, that's what he had been—he'd thought this was disgusting, but did it, because he'd _wanted _Itachi anyway. After what he did to Itachi, he was a hypocrite. A horrible, sadistic, sexual predator of a hypocrite.

"Okay," he whispered, a tear sliding down his cheek. Itachi licked it up, a dark smirk on his face.

"I love you, Sasuke," and even though Itachi was so twisted, Sasuke knew he meant it. It wasn't his fault, Itachi didn't do this to himself.

"I love you, too," he responded weakly, still in hushed tones, and for a moment he thought he could see past the cold mask into the bruised, damaged man Itachi had become through their father's abuse. Itachi hugged him briefly and Sasuke was perfectly aware that he didn't do what he did out of malice, but out of his perverse need for love that Sasuke in some way returned.

"Sasuke-kun?"

Itachi let go of his vice grip on Sasuke's arm at once, causing the only support Sasuke had to vanish, and the naked teenager slipped to the ground.

Naruto's eyes were wide, the emotions in them easy to read. Anger, disgust… they were all there, flitting through his eyes before they dominated his entire expression. His whole body went tense and his teeth clenched visibly. Sasuke didn't know who he was angry at, but all at the same time, all hope for his friendship with the blonde, the last thing he had that wasn't Itachi, vanished and his own expression became empty.

"You bastard," Naruto growled, and Sasuke was sure it was at him. "He's your fucking brother!" Yes, that was definitely directed at Sasuke. "So it's you that's been fucking Sasuke up! You fucking bastard!"

Slowly, Sasuke looked up to see Naruto's cobalt eyes focused on Itachi like daggers, his nostrils flaring with fury.

He was… mad at Itachi?

For hurting him?

Sasuke suddenly wanted to hide his too skinny body, fully aware of the way his hips jutted out into hard angles and how his whole body looked like a fucking toothpick. He hadn't eaten more than a piece of pizza in a week and before that he'd eaten even less. He'd always been pretty picky and ate little, but this was beyond the scope of before.

"You mean you didn't know? Sasuke and I do this regularly. He _likes _it," he lied, but his brother looked pretty damn convincing. He wasn't completely lying—they did do it regularly. But even though he felt so much more toward Itachi that he should, it was still perverted and wrong and Sasuke never wanted to do it again. Sasuke thought that Naruto would fall for it, to think that it was Sasuke who was the real bastard, but then again, he was much smarter than he looked and merely snorted, walking over to the raven laying limply on the carpet.

"You're a fucking liar, you know that?" Naruto spat, and slid an arm around Sasuke's shoulders, holding him tight, then, realizing how frail he was, slid another under his knees and picked him up. Sasuke didn't know how to respond and remained wilted as Naruto carried him to the door, not bothering to pick up his desolate clothes laying scattered around the room.

"Do not take my little brother anywhere," Itachi demanded, his voice turning low and threatening. Sasuke didn't have to look up to know that Naruto wasn't intimidated. "He is mine. You have no right to take what is mine."

"I don't listen to bastards that willingly fuck their own brother against their will. So fuck you," Naruto said quietly, and carried Sasuke through the door.

"Uchiha-san?" a neighbor gasped. "Oh my gosh, Uzumaki-san, is he okay? He's so thin!" The neighbor in question was obviously trying not to look at his exposed genitalia. Naruto looked up with an indecipherable expression.

"No, no, he isn't. But he will be," Naruto swore. "When you see that bastard Uchiha Itachi, tell him that if he ever steps foot in Sasuke-kun's apartment again, I will personally kick his ass." Bastard seemed to be the word of the day.

Sasuke almost told him not to say that—he couldn't live without Itachi! Itachi was his everything! Itachi held him up, Itachi loved him more than anything else in the world even though he was so cruel, but the words didn't come out.

"Naruto, I'm naked," Sasuke whispered instead into Naruto's chest once they were outside.

"Do you mind? You're beautiful, Sasuke. What you're doing is giving people a reason to jack off, not hurting your pride or something. Besides, my car's right there." As if to emphasize his point, he mashed the 'unlock' button on his keys and set Sasuke down in the front seat, then climbed in on the other side.

"I'm not beautiful, Naruto-kun," Sasuke mumbled, drawing his knees up to hide his nakedness and succeeding only in giving Naruto a better view.

"Moron," he disagreed with a sad smile. "Even as skinny as you are—and you are _so _eating when we get to my place—I can barely keep my eyes off of you."

"You shouldn't treat me like this," Sasuke whispered and Naruto gives him a pensive look.

"Well, why the hell not?" he asked, cocking his head to the side and looking at Sasuke like he was nuts. Sasuke turned his hollow eyes to the blonde.

"I like it," he muttered, his voice full of self-loathing. "I love Itachi, Naruto—he's family. And after everything… I still love him. I would do this happily to get him to stay. It's why I do."

"You _like _it," Naruto repeated, his expression full of horror. "Good fuck, what did he do to you?"

"It's not what he did to me," Sasuke spat, finally hearing enough. Naruto was a good friend, but he was insulting Itachi and it wasn't Itachi's fault.

"Then what is it, then?" Naruto demanded, parking a few blocks away from the raven's apartment, exasperated. "Please, tell me. Because I don't know."

"It's what Father did to him," he choked, tears welling in his eyes again. "Before the fire."

Naruto's eyes became guarded, but Sasuke could see the shock in them. "Itachi… did your father _abuse _Itachi?" Sasuke looked down, and nodded once. "Oh my fucking god. I'm so sorry," he whispered, then wrapped his arms around Sasuke's shoulders. "Fuck, I've been such a bastard… and I didn't know…"

"I love Itachi," he mumbled, choking on tears. "I love him so fucking much—not like this, not before the accident—but I love him. If doing this will make him happy, will keep him together, than I'll do it."

"He's raped you," Naruto pointed out softly, his voice full of disgust. Sasuke shook his head pitifully.

"I let him," he whispered. "He told me… he told me why. And I loved him too much. He needed it and I let him. I loved it. It made me cry, and it hurt, and I hated it and loved it all at the same time."

Naruto didn't say anything, but he put the car in drive and continued to his apartment. When they got there, he handed Sasuke a large sweatshirt that went past his ass and waited for his friend to put it on before climbing out. Sasuke climbed out on his own and Naruto stood beside him as support if need be.

Once inside, Naruto waited until Sasuke was seat at his bar, shifting uncomfortably. He was, after all, still nearly naked.

"Sasuke…" Naruto sighed. "Do you _really _love him?" Sasuke gave him a wordless look—there were no words to describe the emotion within them.

"Of course. More than anything."

"Why don't you try and help him, then?" Naruto asked, his voice betraying his concern, even though he tried to keep his expression neutral. "Help him, instead of helping him fuck you up."

"I'm already fucked up," he chuckled humorlessly. "Please, Naruto, if you were in my position, you'd get it. I _am _helping him. I'm saving his fucking life."

"How do you figure?" Naruto said sourly.

Sasuke gave him a smile, but the blonde knew that it wasn't really for him.

"The first time I had sex with Aniki…" he whispered, his expression a mix of horror and adoration, "… was after he tried to kill himself the first time." Naruto's eyes widened and he looked at Sasuke wordlessly. There were no words.

"Kill himself," Naruto repeated and Sasuke nodded his head curtly, taking a sip of the tea his friend had set before him.

"Aniki's been abused since he was a child. Once Father died… Aniki didn't know what to do with himself. He wanted to feel empty, and the only way to do that was being violated. He figured out pretty quickly that he could do the violating himself to achieve the same effect. He turned to me."

"And?"

"And I turned him down the first time. He was just a bit more sane then; he wasn't going to force himself on me."

Naruto gulped, his eyes glued to Sasuke. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Fugaku had raped Itachi? Itachi _used_ to be sane? Nothing was making sense.

Sasuke's expression darkened to pure pain.

"I found him in the bathroom," he whispered, tears welling in his eyes and he rubbed at them furiously, ashamed. "He had already slit one wrist, but he'd missed the vein his hands were shaking so bad. I screamed. I stopped him and bandaged his wrist."

"How did you go from that to _this_?" Naruto asked in a low voice, trying to hide how horrified he was.

"He looked at me," Sasuke mumbled under his breath. "And I couldn't refuse him. I knew it would help. And I had to help him. I love him." Naruto examined his expression, then let out a shaky laugh.

"Well, fuck. All the Uchiha are fucked up. Love you, though." Sasuke laughed, too.

"I don't know whether to be offended or honored," he chuckled, the fingers holding his tea cup trembling. Knowing he was going to drop the china, he set it down on the bar. He smiled at the blonde.

"Can't you see, Naruto?" he whispered, looking up with burning eyes. "He's hurt. Damaged. He's not _whole_. And he loves me. He would do anything for me. If I tell him to stop, he stops. I do it willingly, because I love him so much. It's perverse. I know that. But I love him. His heart is full of ice, Naruto, and that's the only thing I can do to melt it."

Naruto examined his expression before sighing.

"You think you're up for going back to the apartment?" he asked, and Sasuke knew without specifics that he was talking about going back to Itachi. He stood, catching sight of himself in the mirror attached to the closet door behind Naruto.

He was skinny, pale. He was still breathtaking, if he said so himself, but he looked unhealthy. He realized something.

"Doing this isn't helping either of us," he said softly. Naruto looked relieved that he'd gotten it. "But I can't leave him."

Naruto came forward, drawing Sasuke into a comforting hug. "Sasuke, you don't have to." Sasuke didn't hug back, but rested his head on Naruto's shoulder. "Help him, but don't just submit like he's your owner. He should be your lover, not your master."

"You want me to…" He couldn't really comprehend what the blonde was saying.

"I'm saying that, even though I think it's wrong, you love him. Act like it. Be equals. Stop with the S & M, it isn't helping. Be…"

"Lovers," the raven summarized and Naruto nodded, pulling away. "Will you take me home, Naruto?" He nodded, smiling at the Uchiha.

The drive home was short, Sasuke thought, walking up the steps to his apartment building. Naruto had opted to leave after dropping Sasuke off; he had the sneaking suspicion that the Uzumaki was slightly nausiated. Sasuke didn't blame him. It was a lot to take in, and he'd taken it in fast. He wasn't the idiot Sasuke made him out to be. He could be thoughtless, but he was smart. A lot smarter than Sasuke gave him credit for.

"Uchiha-san," a female neighbor said—the same one Naruto had spoken to eariler. "Your, um, brother hasn't left your apartment. Should I call the police?"

Sasuke smiled at her kindly, knowing she meant well. Usually, he was too moody to reply. But today, he was going to help his aniki. He was in a good mood. He was going to be _good_. "No thank you, Sayuko-san. But thank you. Please ignore what Naruto-kun said. He was angry."

"But everything's okay?" she pressed. Sasuke was starting to get annoyed. He nodded, keeping his smile in place with effort.

"I'll be going now, Sayuko-san," he said forcefully and she got the hint, nodding.

He stepped through the door that had been left open, and shut it behind him. He locked it; he didn't want to be disturbed.

"Itachi-nii?" he called, his voice uncertain. He heard a muffled sob to his right and his heart wrenched. He went up the stairs to the small second floor in his apartment. "Aniki?"

He opened the door to the bathroom, his heart breaking in a million pieces.

"Itachi!" he screamed, the door slamming open as he rushed to his aniki's side. "Aniki!"

The Uchiha looked at him with tear filled eyes, one tracing the line under his eye. "Itachi, drop the razor. Please. It's me. I'm back. I'm here."

"I hurt you," he whispered. "I'm sorry, Sasuke, I'm so sorry." And he began to cry again. Sasuke, without thinking, wrapped his arms around his big brother's shoulders.

"I love you too much to lose you," he whispered in Itachi's ear. "Drop the razor, aniki." Itachi did as Sasuke commanded, his arms winding around Sasuke like a boa constrictor. He squeezed, sobbing into Sasuke's shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," he cried. Sasuke, not moving off of his brother's lap, pulled back. He cradled Itachi's face tenderly, pressing his lips to Itachi's softly. Itachi pushed Sasuke back so that he could search his face.

"I love you," Sasuke whispered, and ignored the hands trying to push him away, kissing him lightly again. Itachi's crimson eyes filled with tears, the design in them swirling slowly.

"I love you, too," he choked. Sasuke smiled, kissing Itachi again, still softly, but this time he licked Itachi's lower lip questioningly. "What are you doing?"

"Itachi, what we were doing isn't helping," he repeated what he'd said earlier to his brother. "But you love me, and I love you, and you need me."

"You're suggesting that we try and be a normal couple." Sasuke nodded.

Itachi's return smile was sad, but brilliant. "It'd like that," he murmured, and kissed Sasuke back, opening his mouth. He gained dominance of the kiss immediately. It wasn't like Sasuke was going to fight for it.

Next thing Sasuke knew, he was moaning loudly as Itachi rammed into him, striking his prostate repeatedly.

"I love you," he whispered to the younger raven.

"I love you." Thrust.

"I love you." Thrust.

"I love you." Thrust.

Sasuke could feel the pressure building deep in his lower stomach, but there was pressure in his chest, too. He could barely breath, and as he came, he had to say it, he had to scream it so that everyone knew.

"_I love you, too_!" he cried, coming all over Itachi's stomach and his own. Itachi thrusted one final time, releasing deep into Sasuke. He collapsed over the younger, nearly crushing Sasuke's lungs, but the raven didn't care. After a moment, Itachi rolled over, his strong arms pulling Sasuke with him so that his head rested on Itachi's chest.

"Things are going to be different now," Sasuke whispered. Itachi nodded.

"I don't think we have a choice in the matter," he agreed dryly, trying to give a chuckle and failing. "But I meant what I said." Sasuke nodded, knowing what he meant.

"I know, Aniki. I've always known that."

Itachi pressed a kiss to his forehead, hugging him tighter for a minute. "Tell Naruto-kun that I'm sorry. He shouldn't have seen that."

Sasuke didn't say anything. He knew Itachi wasn't done.

"And it shouldn't have happened. I'm sorry. I wish we'd gotten to _this _point years ago." Now he was done, Sasuke could tell by Itachi's soft sigh.

Sasuke hummed his pleasure, resting comfortably. "Should we go to the bed, or stay here?"

"I don't want to move just yet," Itachi replied and Sasuke nodded understandingly.

"Neither do I."

And there they stayed.

**I'm getting really disturbing lately. But I kind of like it. Maybe disturbing is in my blood. But that's okay, because this is my last disturbing one for awhile! I'm working on a GaarNeji which is really light (um, hello, it's Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, GaarNeji porn style, yeah it's light). And I have a sequel to "There's No Such Thing As Too Much Fun" called "There's No Such Thing As Too Much Fun When Sasuke Gets Involved" which will be awesome. Uchihacest Akatsuki porn, ya'll! But yes, I'm happy with how this turned out.**

**Kandakicksass is OUT, ya'll!**


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